


Simon Wants To Hug Raphael

by nazangel



Series: My Saphael and Malec fics [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt Simon Lewis, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mating Bites, Movie Watching, Raphael is nice, clan is family, mention of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 10:30:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13292931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazangel/pseuds/nazangel
Summary: Three times Simon wants to ask Raphael to hug/hold him but doesn't, one time he does, one time he doesn't have to and one time he doesn't even think about itOR3+1+1+1 thing





	Simon Wants To Hug Raphael

**1**

Simon laid in bed, looking at the ceiling. He knew it was almost the middle of the night. He knew he should get out of bed or Raphael would come looking for him but he couldn't bring himself to. His head felt fuzzy and his body felt heavy.

_Come on Simon. Get out of bed. You can't stay here for eternity._

Eternity. That's what was waiting for him. Eternity with miserable days like this.

God, he didn't know where these thoughts were coming from.

There was a knock on the door and he heard someone come in.

"Hey fledgling," he recognized Eloise, "Why are you still in bed. Raphael wants you,"

"Don't wanna," he muttered like a child, "Leave me alone,"

He expected her tome make some rude comment but she just left. Great, even Eloise wouldn't spare him a bitchy comment. Raphael was probably really pissed.

For some reason, that hurt the worst.

"Baby," said Raphael, "Hey. Eloise said you weren't feeling well. I brought you some blood,"

Simon almost smiled at Raphael's behaviors. He was like a mother bringing soup to her sick kid. Only, Simon could smell the blood. Blood because he was a monstrous vampire.

A wave of misery washed over him again.

"I'm not hungry," said Simon

Raphael sat down at his bed side, "You think you're not but you are,"

"How do you know?"

"We all go through this eventually baby. After we settle down, the thought of immortality hits us and we start showing symptoms of depression. Give it some time, it will go away,"

Simon turned to face him, "Are you sure because all I can think right now is that I'm a monster who has no worth and should not even bother getting out of bed,"

"I can't promise about the monster part," said Raphael, there was a bit of sadness in his voice as he said it, "but I can promise the rest will eventually fade away. It's something that all of us face. Why do you think Eloise left without making one of her bitchy comments,"

Simon smiled with red tears in his eyes

Raphael held out the blood to him. He took it started to drink. He handed the glass back once he was done.

"I'll let you stay in bed today. I'll tell Eric to come and see you. I know he's good at cheering you up,"

Simon nodded. Raphael got up.

"Do you need anything else?"

_For you to come back here and hold me so I can be surrounded by your calming scent._

He didn't say that though, he just shook his head and watched Raphael leave.

**2**

After giving him a week to get over his depression period, Raphael had told Simon that it was time to start training again.

The first two day, Simon had dragged himself out of bed and put in minimal effort. Eventually though the sunk he had been in had lifted and he had put his concentration on becoming better at his new life.

All three of his trainers, especially Lily, had been surprised at his new attitude and questioned him about it.

"I just wanna keep up you know. I saw the others racing the other day and I thought how cool it would be to join in,"

It had nothing to do with impressing his new leader.  _Nope. Nothing at all_

Today he was heading to the training room early. To get a head start. Because he was invested.  _Not because he wanted to impress Raphael. Nope, not at all._

When he got to the training room, he found a shirtless Raphael hitting a punching bag. If Simon's heart could beat properly, it would be going really fast. Really fast.

Raphael was beautiful. He wasn't very muscular but his body was beautifully toned. He had a six pack. A six pack!

Good god he was gorgeous.

"Hey baby," said Raphael, "You're down early. you didn't need anything did you?"

_Wouldn't mind spending eternity in those gorgeous arms of yours._

But of course Simon wouldn't say that. It was super cheesy and on top of that, Simon was a coward.

Instead he stuttered, "N-no. Just wanted to get a head start,"

"OK then," said Raphael, "Go inside the changing room and grab different shoes and gloves,"

Simon nodded and sped off toward the changing room, almost tripping over his own feet.

He missed the knowing smirk on the clan leader's face.

**3**

"Hey baby," said Eric, bursting through Simon's door, "It's movie time!"

"Movie time," said Simon, putting down his comic book, "We watch movies?"

"Apparently boss likes you enough to make it that we do,"

"Really," said Simon disbelievingly, "I'm sure there are other reasons,"

"Nope. I asked him for years," said Eric as they walked down the hall together, "Never listened to me,"

"Huh,"

Eric opened a door to a room where the whole clan gathered in front of a huge TV. There were blankets and pillows and blood going all around.

"Wow,"

"Like it baby," said Raphael, appearing beside them

"Yeah," said Simon, "Why the change of mind? Don't you still think they're stupid,"

"Oh, I do," said Raphael, "But I figured I should make myself flexible for my clan members,"

* _cough_ * "Only one member," * _cough_ *

Simon smiled as Raphael glared at Eric, "Something to say Eric,"

"No Boss," said Eric, grinning, "I'm gonna go find Eloise,"

"Let's sit down," said Simon

Raphael nodded and they found a spot at the back. Simon ended up between Vicki and Raphael. Vicki was one of the oldest vampires in the clan. She mothered everyone, including Raphael. It was amusing to watch.

"So what are we watching," said Simon

"The Conjuring," said Vicki, "Figured we should start with horror movies since we pretty much belong in them,"

"The Vile Vampires," said Simon grinning at her. She laughed at his lame joke. Simon was over the  _whole thinking-of-myself-as-a-monster-thing_  but it was fun to joke about it.

"I apologize in advance if I scream like a child during the movie," said Simon, "Horror makes me jumpy,"

"Awww baby," said Jacob, from across the room. Vampire hearing, "Need someone to cuddle you,"

"Maybe you should ask Raphael," said Eloise, with a smirk on her face.

A couple of vampires glared at her as an awkward silence filled the room. While Eloise was loyal to Raphael and would never go against the clan, she was a bit wild and could be an uber bitch. Constantly calling out the fact that Simon had a not-so-secret-crush on the clan leader was part of her bitchiness.

"Don't worry Simon," said Vicky, "I won't leave you at the mercy of Mr. Grumpy over here. You can cuddle with me,"

A few vampires laughed, Raphael rolled his eyes at the fond nickname and Simon smiled at her gratefully for saving him.

He ignored the fact that for a second he had been tempted to ask Raphael to cuddle him but had stopped.

_Damn my cowardliness._

**+1**

_Blood. Hands reaching for him. Sharp teeth._

_Simon fought, trying to get away but hands still got him. Hands covered in blood_

_'Hello my little caramel'_

_Simon screamed, 'No. NO.'_

_'Caramel-' **'Simon!'**_

_"Let go of-'_

_' **Simon wake up!'**_

Simon sat up in bed, gasping loudly. He looked around quickly. No Camille. No blood covered hands. Just Raphael with a concerned look on his face.

"Baby," said Raphael, "Are you alright?"

"I-I- Camille. Sh-she"

"Hush  _querido_ " said Raphael, rubbing his back, "There's no Camille. It's alright you're safe here. It was just a nightmare,"

Simon nodded. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breathe. He knew he didn't need it but old habits died hard.

Raphael kept on rubbing his back, saying soothing things in Spanish. Simon only understood about a quarter of them but it still helped.

A few minutes later Simon looked up, "Thanks for waking me up. I'm sorry I woke you. Probably the other too," he said feeling embarrassed. After a nightmare, once the terror left him, he would always feel embarrassed for acting like a child. Raphael would always reassure him.

"It's alright fledgling. We all understand," said Raphael

Simon nodded.

"Are you OK now," said Raphael, "Do you need anything else?"

"Can I have a hug?"

Raphael looked surprised and Simon instantly regretted it. He always stopped himself before but Raphael had proven himself to be caring and he was so close and Simon had just blurted it out.

Now he had to take it back.

"Um please forget I said anything. I- I just like getting hugged when I'm upset or happy too- I just like being hugged in general but especially when I'm upset and I just said it without thinking. It's okay if you don't - I mean-I don't know what I was even-"

"Baby," said Raphael softly, opening his arms, "Come here,"

Simon instantly moved toward the older vampire. He ended up between Raphael's legs with his head on Raphael's shoulder. Raphael's back was against the headboard and his arms were wrapped around Simon.

As Simon curled up in his arms, Raphael started to sing a Spanish lullaby.

They fell asleep like that.

Simon woke from the best sleep he had had since turning to find an empty bed. His heart fell for a second until he smelled the blood on his side table.

There was a note attached.

_**'** Drink up and meet me in the library._

_P.S. You snore **'**_

Simon smiled.

**+1+1**

Simon walked inside the Hotel with a heavy heart. He found Lily in the lobby with an angry look on her face.

"Where have you been?! We were-" She must have noticed his mood because she cut herself off and got a a concerned look on her face.

"You okay Lewis?"

Simon just shook his head. No sense in lying.

Lily sighed, "Here drink the blood and go upstairs. Raphael has been worried. Try not to scare us again,"

Simon thanked her. After leaving the empty glass in the kitchen, he headed upstairs to see Raphael.

When he got to the room he found Raphael working on some papers.

He got up as Simon came in.

"Baby where have you been?" said Raphael, "We were worried. You should have at least called,"

"I'm sorry," said Simon, "Clary was hurt and the whole hunt was bad in general and I just-"

Simon's tears made him choke off.

Raphael came forward and took him in his arms. Simon wrapped his arms around Raphael and rested his head against the other's shoulder. One of Raphael's hands cradled Simon's head.

Simon didn't know how long he cried into Raphael's suit but once he stopped, Raphael sat him on the couch, keeping him in his arms.

"What happened?"

"Not sure about the details. The basics are that they thought it was a nest of one type of demon but turns out it was a stronger demon mind controlling the other weaker ones to hunt for it,"

"They weren't prepared," said Raphael

"Yeah and Clary and Jace were the ones that got injured the most. I found out from Luke and went to see them. Jace was at least conscious but Clary wasn't,"

Simon took a deep breathe, "For a second I thought I was going to lose her,"

"But she's OK now, right?" said Raphael, "That's what matters,"

"I know. I know," said Simon, "But it just hit me you know, one day I  _am_  going to lose her. The best I can hope for is that she becomes old and grey before dying. She's always been my rock and I'm going to-"

He stopped as tears once again clogged his throat. Raphael gently rubbed his back.

"I've made my peace with leaving my family. I had to. Even if they know what I am, they're not part of this world. Clary's always been there though, even when she was going through her own problems. She's always been my person and one day she's not going to be here anymore,"

"Oh baby," said Raphael, "I wish I could tell you it's going to be OK or something else ridiculous like that but I won't because we both know it's not true. She will die one day along with a lot of other people you know,"

Simon curled himself against Raphael.

"But," said Raphael, "I can say that there are people that will live forever with you. Magnus, Catarina and Madzie will be here and you will always have the clan,"

He cupped Simon's cheek, "You will always have me,"

"Promise?" Whispered Simon

"Yes  _mi amor_ ," said Raphael, "I Promise,"

Simon closed his eyes as Raphael kissed him.

**+1+1+1**

Simon wove his way through the many vampires in the hotel's ballroom with a pit in his stomach. He spotted Elliot and Eloise being patched up by Eric. They were a few New Jersey vampires around but no Raphael.

"Hey Lewis," called out Lily, "You're back. What did the Shadowhunters-"

"I'm sorry Lily. I'll tell you later," said Simon urgently, "Have you seen Rapha, I felt him get hurt and-"

"He's fine baby," said Lily, using the old nickname, even though the clan had seen many fledglings since his turning.

"Where,"

She pointed toward back exit of the room. He thanked and sped off in the direction.

He found Raphael leaning against a wall, being treated be Madzie.

He threw his arms around his mate before remembering his wounds. He was about to pull back and apologize but Raphael pulled him closer, kissing the mating bite on Simon's neck.

"You're okay," whispered Simon, "You're okay,"

"He's okay." said Madzie impatiently, "But I still have to heal a few things,"

Simon smiled at her. Madzie had come a long was from the shy and scared little girl Simon had first met. He took Raphael's hand as she worked.

"I heard Magnus is taking a break, whose leading the tracking now?" asked Madzie

"Max," said Simon, "His brother and older Max are guarding him,"

"Magnus is okay though," said Raphael

"Yeah," said Simon, "Alec and Clary insisted he take a break,"

"Where are we on the demon attacks coordinator,"

"They've caught him, some psycho warlock who wanted to play with dark magic," said Simon

"So it's over." said Raphael

"It's over," said Simon, "All there's left to do is round up the demons. Little Max will be able to track them down,"

Raphael said a small prayer as Simon looked around, "What are we doing about the New Jersey vampires?"

"They're staying here until their home is restored. We'll go look at the damage once the sun is down,"

Simon nodded and squeezed Raphael's hand tightly, "I felt you get hurt. It was bad,"

Raphael nodded, "Demon swiped my side. Almost killed me when I went down. Stan killed it before it could do any fatal damage,"

"Hey if you had died, at least we would have died together," said Simon

Raphael nodded with a somber look but their was a smile tugging at his lips, "Mates live and die together,"

Madzie groaned at their theatrics, "God, here I thought Clace was dramatic,"

The vampires in hearing vicinity all laughed.

Simon smiled. Raphael was OK. The clan was OK. Everything else would be fine.


End file.
